Caught in the Headlights
by chocolateapples1432
Summary: Mary is heartbroken when she finds out that Matthew if engaged to another woman, Miss Lavinia Swire, so she decides to go for a walk tragedy occurs. I don't own any of the characters just the idea. JULIAN FELLOWS OWN'S DOWNTON ABBEY AND IT'S CHARACTERS. ON HOLD
1. Chapter 1

Caught in the Headlights

* * *

The name of this story is credited to gvilleguy1124 thank you for your idea of the name and your support.

* * *

Mary was frozen she saw Matthew with his fiance, his fiance. Those words hurt Mary more than she could imagine Matthew was standing with his fiance looking happy, so happy something she never gave him happiness only pain she closed her eyes as if to block out the world she heard someone say something.

' Lady Mary are you quite alright?' she looked over too her left and saw Tom Branson looking concerned.

' Yes quite alright Tom, I mean Branson.' he smiled at her and said

' You can call me Tom if you want.'

' Thank you.' he looked confused

' Why did you thank me?'

' Because your the only person to actually tried to make conversation at this I don't know what it's called event.' Tom laughed a little

' It's a concert.' she looked thoughtful then said happily

' I knew it started with a C.' Tom smiled at her

' Your more different than I thought.'

' Really?'

' People always thought that you were cold and heartless but your not, your funny and kind.' Mary smiled at his comment and her eyes started getting watery

' Thank you, no one's ever said that to me.' he smiled and said

' I'm only speaking the truth.' Mary blushed a little and hugged him Tom was caught off guard but accepted the hug.

' If anyone asks I'm just going for a walk.' Tom nodded and let her walk away Mary was walking through the corridor to the entrance when she heard someone call her name

' Mary.' It was Matthew Mary froze and turned round with a fake smile on her face

' Hello Matthew.'

' How are you?'

' I'm fine, yourself?'

' Good.' their conversation was awkward

' So you're engaged.' Just then a pretty young woman came out

' Mary, meet Miss Lavinia Swire.' Mary smiled and held out her hand which Lavinia shook nervously

' So you're Mary Crawley, I've heard a lot about you.'

' Nice things I hope.'

' Of course.' Lavinia said

' Have you decided on a date for the wedding?'

' Not yet, we're waiting for the war to end.' Matthew said smiling

' Naturally.'

' Who was that you were speaking too?' Lavinia asked

' Tom Branson.' Mary blushed slightly you would miss it but Matthew saw her blush.

' Isn't he the Chauffeur?' Matthew asked

' Yes, why?'

' Nothing.'

' Well I'm going for a walk.' Mary said smiling she went upstairs to get changed into something else '' I can't walk in this stupid dress.'' Mary thought she decided on her simple cream blouse and slim navy skirt. She undid her hair and put it in a simple bun and walked to get her coat and some less healed shoes when she was satisfied she walked downstairs.

* * *

Mary loved to be outside. When the Crawley sisters were children they loved to be outdoors Mary smiled at how she went through 5 dresses a day because of the amount of mud she got on them.  
Mary sighed '' Thing's were so much easier then.'' '' I can't believe it Matthew's engaged, Matthew's engaged, Matthew's engaged. NO MARY get a grip your not going to cry over him, he chose his path. I have to grow up and find someone like Matthew did, there'll be someone out there that I can love, hopefully.'' Mary scoffed she was beginning to sound like Edith.  
Mary walked into a clump of tree's, her favorite spot she loved when she was young she remembered the swing that she always played on with her father, she wondered if it was still there she walked further in she saw it was still there just waiting to be swung on she grinned and sat on it thinking how she would start her new life.  
'' Meet someone first obviously.'' said a voice in the back of her head that sounded like Edith.  
'' Try and be nicer, some new clothes perhaps?'' said her voice '' Get OVER Matthew.'' said her other voice '' That's a good one why didn't I think of that?''  
'' Because I'm the smarter one in this mind.'' Mary groaned in frustration of arguing with her own thoughts so she got up to walk away.

* * *

Matthew was drinking some white wine at dinner when he felt terribly cold

' Matthew what's wrong?' Robert asked concerned

' I don't know I just felt... suddenly very cold.' he said looking confused.

* * *

Tom was reading the paper downstairs when he felt a wave of cold hit him, like he'd had some ice cold water thrown at him. He shivered

' Tom, what's the matter?' Anna asked

' Someone walked over me grave.' Tom said frowning.

' Are you sure?' Bates said concerned for the younger man

' Yes Anna I'm fine, I'm going to go out for a drive.' he said getting up to start the motor.

* * *

Mary was walking home with difficulty it was dark so she squinted her eyes to see better

'' Like that's going to help.'' Said the voice in her head

' My mind is useless.' Mary said out loud

'' You think.'' said the other voice

'' Be quite.''

' I must be losing my mind.' Mary said rolling her eyes she walked back to Downton thinking about how she would start her new life. Just then Mary saw a motor, not the one Tom drives, come out of nowhere Mary couldn't move out of the way in time she screamed and got hit. Mary fell to the ground somewhat gracefully. Her eyes closed and her legs where at an awkward angle. The thing that scared the driver the most was the blood slowly seeping down the right of her face, she looked fragile and pale. And now Lady Mary Crawley lay there a fallen angel on the brink of death.

* * *

Mary lay there on the ground with images flashing before her...

_She was a little girl running through the clump of trees where she was but five minutes ago, her hair flying behind her, laughing in an un-lady like manner._

_She was in the servants hall talking with Carson and asking for some silver ware to sell._

_She was playing tea party with Sybil and Edith giggling._

_She stood with her Papa talking about which book she was planning to read._

_She was told she had to marry Patrick when she was twenty-four, not the ideal dream of a sixteen year old._

_She fell out with Edith about Patrick the day after._

_She'd had her own Ball._

_She found out that Patrick died._

_She met Matthew Crawley._

_Pamuk died in her bed._

_Matthew withdrew his proposal and war was announced._

_Matthew enlisted and she said goodbye and she cried herself to sleep._

_She'd had tea with Granny._

_She met Sir Richard and he proposed, she declined politely._

_Matthew came back with Lavinia._

_She became sort of friends with Tom._

_She talked to Matthew and went to get changed._

_She planned her life ahead._

_She lay there dying. _

* * *

Tom was driving near some tree's when he saw a motor parked somewhere and he could see a man crouching at the front of the car Tom stopped the motor and leaped out of the car he was driving and walked to the distraught driver.

' Are you alright sir?' Tom asked

' Help me, I just 'it her.' Tom panicked someone had been hit.

' Who is it?' Tom asked suddenly remembering Mary had went out for a walk.

' I'm not sure, t-there's to much blood.' Tom crouched down next to the driver and recognized Mary

' Oh God, Oh please God no.'

' Who is it?' the driver asked

' WHO IS IT, THAT IS LADY MARY CRAWLEY, LORD GRANTHAM'S ELDEST DAUGHTER!' Tom yelled furiously

' Oh no.' Tom glared at the driver and picked up Mary bridle style

' I think your going to have to come.' the driver nodded Tom walked back to his motor and put Mary across the back seat and sped of to Downton in record speed.

* * *

Cora stood in the library with everyone else worried was what they all were Mary wasn't back just then Carson burst into the room looking pale

' My Lord something has happened.' Cora went pale

' What is it what happened?' Cora asked fastly

' It's Lady Mary sir.' Carson spoke to Lord Grantham

' Where is she?' Matthew asked looking sick

' Mr Branson is waiting with her in the entrance.' Cora shot up and ran out of the room where she saw Tom holding her bridle style

' What happened to her?' she cried

' I'll let the driver explain.' Tom said angrily just then a man in his mid- 40's came out and Cora told him to go to the Library

' Where's her bedroom?' Tom asked Cora led him up the stairs to her room and laid her on her bed

' M'Lady you should go downstairs and see what happened.' Cora nodded and looked at Mary '' My baby, why my baby.' Cora thought and she went downstairs.

* * *

' WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU NEVER SAW HER?!' Robert shouted

' I was just driving and she just came out of nowhere.' the driver said

' I DON'T CARE, MY DAUGHTER COULD DIE.!.'

' I'm sorry.' the driver said quietly

' YOU'LL BE SORRY WHEN I'M FINISHED NOW LEAVE MY HOUSE GO!' the driver ran out of the room

' How could this happen?' Edith asked

' I don't know.' Matthew said sadly

' Where's Branson?' Edith asked

' With Anna and Sybil nursing her.' Cora said crying

' He's in her room?' Violet asked

' Yes he found her and he want's to help her.' Cora said

' Shall I call Dr Clarkson?' Matthew asked

' Yes.' Cora said Matthew nodded and walked out to phone Dr Clarkson and Cora prayed that her baby would live.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Anna stayed with Mary because she told Tom to go back downstairs.  
' Oh M'Lady.' Anna sighed.  
Dr Clarkson came into the room and told Anna to go back down stairs and he'd ring for her to come back up.

* * *

Dr Clarkson was worried, very worried about Lady Mary, the fact that her legs were at an awkward angle when he saw her and pale looking. She started to stir.

' Ah Lady Mary your awake.'

' What happened?' she asked tiredly

' You were out walking and got hit by a motor, if Mr Branson hadn't found you, you'd probably be dead.'

' My head hurts.'

' It will, your head hit off the ground and your legs got caught under the motor.'

' Oh.'

' Lady Mary I need to check your spine.' Mary looked confused

' Alright.' Dr Clarkson put his hand in the middle of her spine and said

' Can you feel this?'

' Yes.' he started moving his hand further down and said

' Now?'

' No.' Dr Clarkson frowned and said

' Can I feel your ankle?'

' Yes but I don't see what good it'll do.'  
Dr Clarkson felt her ankle and looked up at Mary and asked

' Did you feel that?'

' No I can't, why what's wrong?'

' I'll tell your family first.' he got up and wrung the bell for Anna who came up almost instantly one look on Dr Clarkson's face told Anna the worst but she didn't say anything.

* * *

Dr Clarkson walked into the Library where all the family was.  
' How is she?' Matthew asked

' Lord and Lady Grantham.' he started just then Edith said sadly

' Is she dead?'

' No, but I think she may have spinal damage.' silence. That was what filled the room

' She may?' Cora said

' I asked to feel her spine, she felt it around the middle of her back and as I moved downward's she felt nothing, she felt nothing in her ankles also.'

' Would it be permanent?' Matthew asked pacing

' In this case, yes I think it's permanent.'

' Does this mean she can't have children?' Robert asked

' No, she can't have children.' Matthew had a look of horror, Cora gasped out of horror '' This is going to crush Mary.'' she thought

' Have you told Mary?' Violet asked sadly

' I decided to tell you all first.'

' I don't know how she'll take this.' Robert said

' Not very well.' Edith said.

* * *

' Lady Mary.' Dr Clarkson said entering the room

' Yes?'

' I'm sorry to say, you have spinal damage.' Mary's hand flew to her mouth

' Can I have children?' she asked quietly

' If this is permanent, then no you can't have children.' Mary nodded and said

' Thank you Dr Clarkson, you can leave now.' Dr Clarkson left Numb, that was all Mary felt '' I can't have children, I'll never be a mother, so much for starting a new life.'' Mary couldn't cry she only stared at the wall she didn't even notice Matthew come in and sit on the chair beside her bed

' So you've heard?' Mary asked still looking at the wall

' Yes.'

' And your still speaking with me?'

' Why wouldn't I?'

' I'm a cripple, I'll never get married, funny, I always thought Edith would be the spinster.'

' You'll get married Mary anyone would be lucky to have you.'

' No they wouldn't, even if I got married there'd always be an argument.'

' Mary -' Mary snapped her head round to look at him

' NO, don't you understand, I can't be a proper wife, I can't bare children to anyone.' she started to cry furiously then the realization dawned on Matthew how much having children meant to her, how she would have to watch Edith and Sybil even Matthew have children, Matthew reached for her hand and held it while she cried.

* * *

A week later Mary was moved downstairs and had to use a wheelchair which she commented

' I feel so old in this, thing.' she gestured to her chair

' Your only twenty four.' Sybil said

' Yes but this thing, makes me feel about fifty.' she smiled at Sybil who thought '' At least she can still be happy.''

' Do you want to go back inside?' Sybil asked

' No, I'll just stay on my own for a while.' Sybil looked at Mary and nodded then went back inside

' Like I will forever.' Mary said.

* * *

Mary wheeled herself to the garage where Tom was to thank him

' M'Lady, if you don't mind me asking what are you doing here?'

' I came to say thank you, Dr Clarkson said if you hadn't found me I would be dead, apparently the driver was to shaken to move me.' Mary said smiling

' Your welcome and it's nice to see that your smiling again.'

' Your the only one who's at least tried to make me smile, everyone else just asks how I am it's irritating.'

' Have you tried asking them to stop saying those things?'

' Not really.' she said looking up at the ceiling guiltily

' Then try.'

' Who knew.'

' Who knew what M'Lady?'

' That you have opinions, I thought Carson trained you all up to speak only when spoken too... that and the jig.' Tom laughed at the image of Carson training people to do a jig

' I'm Irish, I can't keep opinions to myself.' now it was Mary's turn to laugh

' I'll leave you to... whatv ever your doing.' she pointed to the motor Tom was working on

' Of course Lady Mary.' he tipped his hat/cap he wore and went back to working on the motor.


	3. Chapter 3

chapter 3

Mary wheeled herself to the library to find a book to read.  
'' Why can't you just go outside?'' said the voice that sounded like Edith.

'' Because she's getting a book then going outside.' Mary closed her eyes for a second and went to choose a book. She thought David Copperfield sounded rather nice she remembered it was on the 6th shelf, it was just an inch from Mary's finger when someone else got it for her, she turned and saw the icy blue eyes of Matthew Crawley.

' Thank you.' she said smiling and wheeling to check it out.

' Any time Mary.' he smiled back at her ' Do you want me to push you back to your room?'

' No, thank you for the offer but I'm going out into the garden if you wish to join me?'

' I'm afraid I'm going to have to decline, I'm having tea with Mother.' he looked guilty

' Alright, I'll let you go then.' she smiled slightly

' Goodbye Mary.'

' Matthew.' she placed the book in her lap and wheeled out into the garden, Matthew watched her and thought '' It's all my fault, I should not have let her go by herself.''

* * *

Mary tried reading her book, several times actually, but she couldn't focus '' No wonder Matthew didn't want to stay, even if he did have tea with Isobel he wouldn't want to talk with me.''  
Mary's eyes started to get blurred with tears she brought up a hand to wipe them away and tried to get back to reading

'' I've never felt so alone.'' she been reading the same page at least twice she groaned in frustration and threw the book onto the bench

' Are you alright M'Lady?' she turned and saw Tom standing there looking concerned

' To be honest, no Tom, I'm not alright.' she said thickly because of the tears that threatened to fall

' How?' he sat on the bench next to Mary

' I'm surrounded by about a million people, but I've never felt so alone before, it's like, everyone I know see's me but looks right through me like I'm just a pity case. I'm seen but ignored'a few tears rolled down her face

' Your not a pity case Lady Mary, you are one of the strongest people I've ever met.'

' Well I'm having a breakdown, so I don't think I'm strong.' the tears started to fall

' Tough, you listen to me, after everything you've been through you stayed strong.'

' Don't humor me, go live your life while I live mine.' she snapped

' My life. I just make it up as I go along.' Mary laughed a little

' Well my life is wasted anyway, so I should be free to do what I want.'

' Don't say that.'

' Why shouldn't I? I have my rights.'

' You have a fair point there Lady Mary.'

' Please, just call me Mary.'

' If you insist.'

' Can you pass me my book I'm trying to read it, which is proving impossible.' Tom smiled and handed her the book

' Do you read a lot of Dickens'?'

' He's one of my favorite authors so are Jonathan Swift and Jane Austen.'

' You like Swift?'

' Yes I find his work fascinating.'

' So do I, not because he was born in Ireland.' Mary laughed lightly and said

' I'm tired, I think I'm going to lie down.' Mary placed the book in her lap and started to wheel herself inside with Tom watching after her.

* * *

Matthew walked into the entrance of Downton Abbey looking for Mary

' Ah, Carson have you seen Lady Mary?'

' Mr Crawley, I belive she went to her bedroom.' Matthew looked concerned and said

' For a nap?'

' Yes sir... a nap.' Carson replied

' Thank you Carson.'he walked to wait in the library when Edith came in

' Oh, hello Matthew.'

' Edith, do you roughly know when Mary will be up?'

' Umm... another five minutes, why?'

' I need to ask her something.' Matthew lied

' Alright.' she shrugged and walked out about five minutes later Mary wheeled herself in the room smiling to herself she didn't notice Matthew then her face took a look of pain Matthew rushed to her side

' Mary, are you alright?'

' I am, it's just I had a dream.'

' What kind of dream?'

' I dreamed that I got married and I was walking normally and I saw these two beautiful children running around, oh Matthew they were perfect, I guessed they were mine because one had my eyes and the other my hair colour and I just watched them and I felt... happy, watching them then I woke up and wheeled in here realizing that it would never happen and the life washed over me and I now know that I have to learn to live a life without a husband or children.' she smiled at the end, a weak smile that Matthew flinched at

' Who were you married to?'

' I don't know. But I had the ring on my finger and one of the children had blue eyes, I only know three men not counting my father that have blue eyes.'

' Oh. Oh, I came to tell you something.'

' Sounds urgent.' Mary smirked

' I wanted to apologise.'

' Why?' Mary looked confused

' For this morning.'

' You did nothing wrong, all you did was have tea with your mother.'

' Mary. I knew it upset you.'

' It didn't.'

' Mary.'

' Matthew.' she mocked in his tone of voice

' It upset you didn't it?'

' Oh... Alright it upset me a little.'

' I didn't mean to upset you.'

' I know, but you don't know what it's like to have people keep treating you like a toddler, they look at me and all they can see is a woman in a wheelchair with no without marriage... children... a life. You see Matthew, I'm now a person who has no future ahead of them, someone told me a short while ago that they make up their life as they go along, I guess I'm just going to have to do that also.' her eyes got watery before the tears could fall she wiped them away ' Do you know what it's like Matthew, to see you go off to war and all I can think is what if you die and if you did I would be a broken shell of a woman and it's the same for Papa and Mr Branson and all the other male servants that go to war. It kills me every time someone gets called up knowing that they might return again, do you know what the feeling of self-hatred is like? Well I do, I hate that I didn't pay more attention, I hate that I worried everyone and that I'm in this stupid chair for the rest of my life.' she finished her rant by exhaling and looking towards the ceiling

' I do know what self-hatred is like, I have to kill people no older than eighteen almost everyday I have to kill people with wives, children and families. I know you hate yourself, but your still you and I would love to be the same me, but I'm not I've changed, everyone's changed, we just have to deal with it and move on.'

' Thank you Matthew.'

' Wait, why did you just thank me?'

' You gave me another reason to live my life.' she smiled a ghost of a smile

' Did I? Good gracious I'm living the man in the book's life aren't I?' Mary smiled bigger at his comment

' It's funny.'

' What?'

' That people think we don't care, but in reality we're just human.'

* * *

' Truer words could not be spoken.' Matthew agreed.

* * *

A week later Matthew had gone back to France. Mary lay in bed pondering whether she should get up or have a lie in, she decided the second and she fell back asleep.

* * *

Edith was going through her chest of drawers to see if she could find her hairpiece, '' I wonder if Mary has any?'' said the voice in her head.  
She walked downstairs to Mary's room and knocked.

' Come in.' came Mary's soft reply

' Hello Mary, I was wondering if you had any hair pieces I can't seem to find mine.'

' Oh, yes I do top drawer.' she pointed to her chest of drawers

' Thank you.'

' Have you heard how Sybil is?'

' Yes she writes she's doing very well.'

' She writes the same every time, do you think she's met someone?' Mary asked raising an eyebrow

' Maybe, she would tell us though.'

' Yes, but she probably doesn't want us to know.'

' True.'


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

* * *

Mary was bored. Very bored. She tried reading, drawing and sleeping but she couldn't do any of them she sighed and decided to go outside.  
She wheeled herself to her bench, as useless as it was to try and sit on it she placed herself beside it and started singing softly

'' The Bells of St Mary's,  
Ah, hear they are callingThe young loves, the true loves Who come from the sea

And so my beloved When red leaves are falling The love bells shall ring out, ring out For you and me

The Bells of St Mary's,  
Ah, hear they are calling The young loves, the true loves Who come from the sea

And so my beloved When red leaves are falling The love bells shall ring out, ring out For you and me.''

When she was done she heard someone clapping she turned and saw Matthew (who was back) clapping and walking towards her she smiled and turned back to look towards the trees she felt Matthew sit on the bench beside her

' You're a good singer.'

' Thank you, I assure you I'm not that good.'

' You are.' Mary lightly blushed from being complemented

' Your probaby a better singer than I.'

' What makes you think that?'

' You just look the type.'

' I never knew there was a type.'

' There probably isn't.'

' How do you deal with it?'

' With what?'

' B-being in a chair.' he asked nervously incase she snapped but she smiled a genuine smile

' There's no need to look so scared. Being in a chair is hard but you have to deal with it and I just deal with the fact I can't have a normal life.' she said shrugging

' I- I just had to know.'

' Matthew.' she said glaring ' Listen to me, you are not going to end up like this, you are not going to die on me do I make myself clear.' he nodded

' At least you snapped some sense into me.'

' Your welcome.'

' I should get back to Mother and Lavinia.'

' Yes give them my best.'

' Of course, goodbye Mary.'

' Bye Matthew.' Mary waved and turned back to look at the forest.

'' What a pleasent conversation for once it wasn't awkward. I wonder what I shall wear to dinner tonight, maybe the purple dress, yes that seems nice.' her thoughts were interupted by a cold voice

' Well look at what the Great Lady Mary has become.' Mary froze and turned to see the person she hated.  
Sir Richard Carlisle.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

* * *

Mary stared at his smug impression.

' What on Earth do you think your doing here?' she hissed

' I thought I would pay a visit, I wanted to see if you would re-think my proposal.' he replied cooly

' No. The answer is no.'

' Are you sure about that? I know some news that could put your family to shame.' Mary's eyes widened for a fraction of a second

' I'm not sure what you mean?'

' About the Turk dieing in your bed.'

' What?! Who told you such a thing, I can assure you that never happened.'

' Vera Bates told me.'

' Vera Bates... oh her she and Mr Bates aren't on good terms and I can assure you that Mr Pamuk did not die in my bed he died in his room of heart failier, even the Doctor said that's what happened.' she lied

' Shall we go inside?' she nodded and started wheeling herself towards the unused small library as the bigger one was being used by the soldiers.

' Lady Mary-'

' Don't. I don't want to marry you. There is nothing wrong with you, it's that I can't bare children and I don't think we're suited well together.'

' Your Mother doesn't think so.'

' What?' Mary spluttered

' It was your Mother that invited me.'

' Well it seems that your journey has been wasted, but you can always stay in the village inn and I'll ask Mr Branson to bring the car round.'

'Thank you Lady Mary, for being generous and kind but I can assure you I won't.'

' Won't what?' Mary asked really confused

' Marry a cripple woman who can't have children or get married, you'll just die alone, a cripple and a spinster. Goodbye.' he smirked and walked out of the room.  
Those words got to Mary she felt the tears well up in her eyes and she wheeled herself back outside to avoid the risk of being seen crying. She put her head in her hands and cried for God knows how long until she felt a tap on her shoulder she turned and saw Edith.

' Come to mock me?' she asked coldly

' No, I saw you crying and wondered if you were alright?'

' I'm fine.' Mary lied

' Mary. I know we may not be the best of friends but I can tell when your lying.'

' It's just that... when I learned I couldn't have a normal life I just had to accept it.'

' Yes.' Edith said encouraging her to continue

' Well Sir Richard turned up and said something that upset me.'

' What was it?'

' That I'd die alone.' Mary smiled weakly at Edith who frowned

' How dare he! How dare he just turn up like that and say those things!' she shouted

' He didn't turn up, Mama invited him.' she said the last part quietly

' Mama invited him?'

' Yes, I don't know why because I have no intention to marry him.'

' I can't believe her.'

' Neither could I. But I realized that if she put me with a man that had never wanted children in his life then it could work.'

' I'm starting to understand.' Mary smiled at Edith who returned it, she put her hand over Mary's and gave it a reassuring squeeze

' We'll be alright Mary, I know we will.' Mary chuckled a little ' What?'

' Edith, imagine if our past selves could see us now.' Edith grinned

' My past self would be screaming at me to run for it.'

' Maybe. Edith do you think that we could try and be friends again?'

' I'd like that Mary.'

' Oh and can you tell them I don't feel up to going to dinner, I'll just have a tray.'

' Of course.' Edith got up and walked away

' Well I thought that would never happen again.' Mary laughed to herself.

* * *

Everyone sat at dinner except Mary

' Where's Mary?' Matthew asked confused and concerned

' She wanted to have a tray, she couldn't face coming down yet.' Edith clapped a hand over her mouth when she said the last part

' Edith, what is wrong with Mary?' Robert asked Edith remained silent

' Goodness, it's as if the world is coming to an end she is silent.' Violet remarked

' Edith.' Cora said

' Mama I think you know what's wrong.' Edith snapped

' I don't.'

' Really, then why did you invite Sir Richard?' Edith said his name bitterly

' Are my ears deceiving me or did Edith just say what I thought she said.' Violet added

' I invited him because Mary looks so lonely. And I thought why not.'

' Well Mama, it was a stupid decision after the things he said to her.' Edith retorted she gasped at revealing what had happened

' What things?' Robert asked

' That's for Mary to tell.'

' Edith.'

' I can't.' they dropped the subject and went back their meal.

* * *

Mary lay in her bed pondering something '' It's time they knew, I should have told them ages ago.'' she was referring to her previous scandal with Pamuk.  
She reached over and pulled the bell for Anna to help her.

' Lady Mary, do you need something?'

' Can you help me get dressed there's something I need to do.' Anna nodded and helped her sit up to get her dressed, after she did Mary thanked her and wheeled to go to the Library she opened the door and saw Matthew

' Hello what are you doing up?'

' I have to tell you something Matthew, please don't interrupt me until I'm done.'

' Alright.'

' Do you remember Mr Pamuk?' he nodded ' He didn't die in his own bed... he... he died in mine.' she told him the tale of her dead lover and looked at the shock on his face.

' Please Matthew say something.'

' I'm shocked, not horrified.'

' Oh what use is it, I'm Tess of the Derbiviles to your angle Clair I have fallen.'

' Don't joke not when I'm trying to understand!' he scolded

' Thank you for that. If you despise me I understand.'

' Mary. I never could... I never would despise you.'

' Thank you for trying to understand.'

' I'll always try and understand you Mary, it's getting late I'd better get back to Mother I'm going to see Lavinia in the morning.'

' Wish them both my best.' she said without a hint of jealousy

' Of course.' he kissed her cheek and walked out of the room.

* * *

Mary wheeled down to the garage she knocked on the door and wheeled in to see Tom leaning against the motor reading the paper he smiled and folded it up

' What can I do for you M'l- Mary.'

' I-I-I have to tell you something.'

' Go on.' he encouraged

' Do you remember the Turkish man who stayed here?'

' Mr Pamuk, the lad that died in his bed, yes I do.'

' Well, the night he died he- he came into my bedroom.'

' Did he force himself on you?' Tom asked angrily

' No.' Mary told him the story, well more like nightmare and he stood there trying to understand

' So he gave you the option of doing that or getting ruined?'

' Yes.' her tone was barely audible he crouched down to her level and held her hand

' Mary, that counts as him forcing his self on you.'

' I know- I just... please don't judge me I know what I did was wrong.'

' I don't judge you. I actually admire that you did that for your family's honor.'

' Would you have done in my position?' she asked with a brow raised

' Yes, I love my family more than anything.'

' As do I.' they looked into each others eyes and Tom leaned forward and kissed her and the odd thing is she found herself kissing back all thoughts of Pamuk gone and replaced by kissing Tom for what felt like an eternity, to Mary and Tom they got lost in each others embrace they didn't think about anything but each other.


	6. Chapter 6

chapter 6

* * *

Mary lay in bed confused, confused about her feelings toward Tom and Matthew, she still loved Matthew don't get her wrong but, the kiss with Tom made her soul feel... alive.  
'' Why can't life be easier. Oh dear God, I kissed Tom, what was I thinking, I can't get attached to him, no Mary you won't get attached to him like you did Matthew, Matthew! What is he going to think of this? I don't love him like I used to... oh who am I kidding I love Matthew Crawley, but the kiss with Tom... I'd never felt so alive like... explosions were going on in my soul, Oh my goodness I like Tom and Matthew, but one has a fiance and the other would get fired because of me, what am I going to do?'' she thought. Anna came in the room with Mary's tea, she must have noticed Mary looking disstressed

' Are you alright M'Lady?'

' No.'

' What is it? M'Lady.'

' I have feelings for two people.'

' Ah.' Anna nodded Mary gestured for her to sit on the chair left of her

' I don't know what to do, one has a fiance and the other... people would not approve.'

' Well, I'm going to guess Mr Crawley is one and the other... Mr Branson?' she knew it was him, because Mary lightly blushed when she said his name

' Yes. I just d-don't know w-what to do.' she said swallowing her sobs

' Follow your heart, if you love one tell him.'

' But the thing is, Matthew's engaged and happy, I can't take that away from him. And Tom, he makes me feel... alive, very alive, but I can't let him lose his job or deprive him of life.'

' M'Lady, if you don't mind me saying, if Mr Branson makes you feel alive and excitable isn't that the one for you?'

' That's what I thought, but I still love Matthew, not as much as I used to but I still do. And the thing is Tom and I kissed and I felt sparks going through me.'

' Lady Mary, why don't you just avoid them both for a little while to clear your thoughts?'

' Yes I might just do that, thank you Anna.'

' Will that be all M'Lady?' Mary was about to nod when she felt a small tingle in her right leg her eyes widened for a second

' Yes- Anna... that... will be all.' Anna curtsied and walked out the room. When she was alone Mary prodded her right leg and felt nothing

' Probably just because I'm tired.' she shook her head gently, turned her lamp off and went to sleep.

* * *

Matthew sat in the foul, dark trench reading over some letters from people, he found one from Lavinia and smiled.

* * *

**_Dear Matthew,_**

**_I hate to tell you this, especially in war time, _**

**_but I've fallen in love with another._**  
**_I feel absolutely cruel, terribly, terribly cruel,I mean your there in that awful Hell._**

**_ And I have to stay here writing that I've met someone else, it's wrong._**

**_I don't want to withdraw the engagement, but I must, it's not fair to string you along, _**

**_I wish you all my best and hope you make someone happy one day._**

**_That you fall in love and get married to her. You don't deserve this pain I am causing you,no one does._**

**_Good luck and God bless you,_**

**_Lavinia._**

* * *

Matthew stared at the letter for a few more seconds before placing it down and glared at it. He picked up another letter, from Mary.

* * *

_Dearest Matthew,_

_How are you? I know it's a stupid question to ask, considering where you are, I did not intend for that to come across as_ (Matthew chuckled a little.)  
_mean. How are things with Lavinia_? ( He frowned slightly, she didn't know?)

_I don't know who else to talk to about this, I mean I can't bare Mama's American form of excitement, Papa's seriousness, Sybil's medical detail and Edith's out of the question._  
_So I thought why not write to Matthew and ask._  
_I don't want to get anyone's hopes up, so I hope this stays between us._  
_I was speaking with Anna last week and... I felt a tingling in my right leg. I don't even know what it means, but it went seconds later, I even prodded it. I asked Dr Clarkson and he says it's just me remembering a tingling at some point in my life. But it felt real, I wasn't imagining it I swear it was there._  
_Reply as soon as you can._

_Stay safe for me and the family Yours_

_Mary._  
_xxxx_

* * *

Matthew studied the letter again and he thought '' Mary felt tingling? What does that mean? Can she walk again?''  
He walked over to the supply of paper and took a sheet and an envelope.

* * *

**Dearest Mary,**

**I'm not sure what the tingling meant.**  
**But I don't think Dr Clarkson is right. You just can't just remember a tingling from nowhere, maybe you're getting better, I don't want to get your hopes up. If it continues then go see Dr Clarkson.**

**I'm fine thank you for asking me, how are you?**  
**Though, Lavinia broke off the engagement, she fell for another, it was kind of her not to string me along and tell me when I get back, if I get back.**

**How is everyone? Is Downton still convelesent? If it is I can imagine Cousin Violet's reaction if it continues!**  
**Please reply soon.**

**Tell me if it happens again,**

**Matthew**

* * *

He sealed the envelope and gave it to the man who collects the letters ( Like a postman.)

' Alright Lads get your guns and get to your stations.' Matthew said as he was captain They all got their guns and went to their posts

' 3... 2...1... NOW!' The Major shouted they all climbed up the ladder and gunshots came from every angle. A shell landed near Matthew and William

' SIR!' William shouted and pushed Matthew out of the way, Matthew landed on his arm oddly, dislocating it while William got the worst.

* * *

Mary was drinking her tea when she felt as though someone threw a bucket of ice cold water over her, she dropped her tea cup and Cora asked alarmed

' Mary what is it?'

' I- I don't know I suddenly felt... very cold.'

' Carson could you see that this mess is sorted, I'll take Mary back to her room, we don't want to take any chances.' Edith said

' I'm fine.'

' We're not taking any chances.' Edith said while pushing Mary to her room.

* * *

Daisy was cutting some vegetables when she shivered and froze

' Daisy, what is it now?' Mrs Patmore asked

' Someone walked over me grave.' Mrs Patmore rolled her eyes and said

' Well if that's it get back to work before I drag you to it.' Daisy nodded

' Yes Mrs Patmore.' and she went back to work.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

* * *

Mary was speaking to Matthew who was able to still use his right arm, while the left was broken

' Matthew about the letter...'

' What is it? Mary you can tell me anything.'

' I think Dr Clarkson was right. I haven't felt anything since.'

' Mary he can be wrong. If you are healing, maybe it's just taking it's time?' Mary smiled at him and whispered

' Maybe.' just then Isobel came in

' Hello Cousin Isobel.'

' Oh. Hello Mary I didn't know you were here.'

' Well Mama keeps fussing about me so I said I'd come and visit Matthew, that and I wanted my freedom.' Matthew smirked happily

' Well would you like some tea? I bet Matthew forgot to ask you?' Matthew blushed with shame

' Of course he has, he's Matthew, if he didn't forget, it would be the day where Granny does the jig.' Mary said simply while Matthew had to pretend cough to hide his laughter

' Yes, that is very true. Do you take sugar?' she asked walking over to the tea tray

' Oh, yes one spoonful.'

' Has anyone else been called up?'

' Not that I know of.' Mary replied

' Well thank God for that.' Matthew said remembering the fact that William saved him and died in the process ' I'm going to bed.' he said getting up and placing a kiss on Mary and Isobel's cheeks

' Thank you.' Mary said distractedly as she'd received her tea

' Mary, you seem distracted are you alright?' Isobel asked

' Yes perfectly fine.'

' Mary.'

' Cousin Isobel, there's something I want to ask you. I have already spoken to Matthew about this.'

' Oh?'

' You see, I was talking to Anna about a month back about something.'

' Yes.'

' And... I felt something. A tingling in my legs.'

' And you told Matthew because...'

' I trust him most.'

' Did you tell Dr Clarkson?'

' Yes. He said I'm probably remembering a tingling from some point.' Isobel pursed her lips

' He could be right. But you can't just remember a tingling.'

' That's baisically what Matthew said.' she started sipping her tea

' Do you want me to tell-'

' No! I don't want to get their hopes up.'

' I understand.' Mary sipped the last of her tea

' I should get going.'

' Would you like me to call the car round?'

' No thank you.' she said still trying to figure out her feelings for Tom.

* * *

Tom stared at the letter in his hand '' How am I meant to tell his Lordship? Or Sybil, when did we even become friends and Mary... oh God Mary. I know I shouldn't have kissed her.'' he put the letter down and turned when he heard the knock at the door

' Tom?'

' Come in.' Mary rolled herself in and was blushing lightly

' How are you?'

' Fine.'

' I'm sorry.'

' For what?'

' Avoiding you, hurting you.'

' You never hurt me Lady Mary.'

' How many times must I say this, it's Mary.' she chuckled

' Sorry.' he smiled

' I came to ask you something.' he sat down on the floor to listen to her

' And what might that be?'

' If I felt something below my legs, what do you think I should do? Your the third person I have asked.'

' Well... obvioulsy I'd go to get it checked by a Doctor and if I felt anymore I'd-' he was cut of by her lips crashing onto his, his eyes widened but he kissed back

' I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that.' Mary said once she'd pulled away

' Don't apoligise to me, never apoligise to me.'

' What's that?' Mary asked pointing to the letter

' Mary when I tell you please don't be alarmed.'

' Tom tell me.'

' I've been called up they want me to get checked up in two weeks.' he watched Mary's face turn to horror and sadness

' No.'

' Mary-'

' NO! I nearly lost Matthew, we lost William I'm not going to loose you.' she said

' I have to do my duty.'

' I know that. But promise me something.'

' Anything.'

' Just come back alive and safe or if you say other wise I'll drag you back, hopefully.' she prodded her leg when she said that

' I promise.' he kissed Mary softly and she let the stubborn tears fall, only a few

' I- I'm going to bed.' she smiled at Tom

' Goodnight.' she rolled herself out and Tom sat on a chair with his head in his hands.

* * *

Mary lay in her bed upset

' Will that be all M'Lady?' she saw Mary's eyes tearing up ' M'Lady are you alright?'

' Anna.' she said putting her head in her hands and crying

' M' Lady what's wrong?' she said sitting on the edge of Mary's bed

' Tom's been- he's been called up.'

' Oh my Lord.' she said sighing

' I can't loose him.'

' M'Lady, you won't loose him, If I know one thing about Mr Branson is that he will never give up without a fight.'

' I know. But I just can't bare the thought.'

' None of us can M'Lady, and we don't even know if he's going to be put into action.'

' Hoefully he won't, I'm sorry to trouble you with this Anna.'

' You never trouble me M'Lady.' she said walking to the door

' Anna.'

' Yes?'

' Please don't tell anyone, I don't know if he wants anybody to know.'

' I won't M'Lady.' she smiled at Mary and walked out of the door thinking '' God save us all.''


End file.
